Personal posts

#Blogtober16: Share a secret about yourself

secret-readaraptor-hatchling-blogtober16The only thing I can think of for this topic is my anxiety – and that probably isn’t a secret to some people who know me well, and I know its not something that unique to me by a long shot – but its the only thing I can think of.

I am a very anxious/paranoid person. I try not to be and I try and come across as confident as possible. But underneath it all I’m not. I m question everything I’ve said or done and am constantly running through every possible perception of those things. I try to laugh and joke about but I constantly think I’m not funny enough or I’m not good enough. I second guess everything I write and do in almost all aspects of my life and to be perfectly honest I don’t think becoming a mum has helped that.

I say that with me, what you see is what you get. And that is the honest truth. I am who I am and if you don’t like it then that’s fine. However I will run through every reason why you don’t like it inside my head and think about if there are any ways I should change because of how I have been perceived by you… I joke that everyone can screw off but I am constantly thinking about the reason they do if they do and its tiring.

There’s not a minute that goes by when I don’t question how good a mum I am being, and usually those seconds are split to include how good a partner/colleague/employee/blogger I am. But I try to help myself out by just being true to myself and being a very honest, real person who is happy to talk to anyone, never judges anyone and likes to enjoy life as much as possible.