My little Spikey is now 6 weeks old. She weighed in this morning at 10b 11oz and I now have a little smiler who will follow me around the room with her eyes and wants to be chatted to a lot – for a little while, but then she’ll get tired and start crying cos she wants a nap!
Having joked that breastfeeding makes me feel like a milk machine, however knowing that my little girl is getting exactly what she needs from me and is hitting the milestones that she’s ‘meant’ to hit is fantastic. I could have given up, and I very nearly did at the beginning of the this journey. I felt like crap, I was constantly worrying that she wasn’t getting the milk she needed and that it was making her sick. It was making me sick too! But I persevered and I’ve been exclusively breastfeeding for six weeks now.
I never even thought twice about not breastfeeding my baby before she arrived and I stupidly thought it would be easy. What I now know is I was wrong – it is far from easy. There are ways of making it easier but in all honesty, they can get you down just as much! I have to be there to feed my baby no matter what, there have been times when I’ve been dying for the loo and just had to hold it in because I’m feeding her and I can’t just stop – she would not be impressed with that!
Getting up in the night
I also have to get up in the night, there’s no ‘oh darling could you just do this feed?!’ to T, I don’t have that option. I have to get up, get comfy somewhere and get feeding. I have been sat in just my knickers and bra on a chair in the nursery freezing a few times because I’ve got up and not realised how cold it is in the middle of the night! The funniest had to be on Friday when L had a friend stay over and I left the door open, started feeding her dressed in very little and thought ‘Oh, maybe I should have put clothes on!?’ thankfully no one came out of his room!
I could express milk for the night feeds and do things that way. But hell that breast pump makes me feel even more like a cow than I do when Spike is feeding! The suck and slurp of it sends shudders through me. Also it feels odd to me to sit on my sofa with a hand up my top pumping away! I will make do with the night time wake ups thanks!
I thought that 6 months would be easy to get to with the feeding, telling myself that I’d breastfeed Spike for 6 months at least. Since she got here though, I decided to break it down. If I get to one month I’ve done well I thought after the first week. Now I’m up to ‘if I get to two months I’ve done brilliantly!’ Its going to be one of those things which goes on a month by month basis I think!
However with all of this in mind… the news that Spike is putting on weight, is looking healthy and developing so well is enough to make me think that being a milk machine is fine for me for now, I can live with that being my job description!